The Flirt War
by Lady Kaitlin
Summary: Minerva McGonagall agrees to participate in a ridiculous, "fun" competition called The Flirt War when Dolores Umbridge accuses her of being a coward and too focused on her workload. The war lasts for seven days and contains twenty-one matches with other Hogwarts professors, members of the Ministry of Magic, and Hogsmeade residents. Suggestions welcome!


**A random idea that came to me one day, let's see how this goes. XD**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters involved in books/movies.**

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The Flirt Wars

Minerva McGonagall tapped her quill against her chin as she stared down at the piece of parchment resting on the oak desk in front of her. A few hours ago she had been having a perfectly normal and enjoyable Sunday morning. Now her day had been turned into the start of an obscure competition. The piece of paper facing her only sealed this new change of events.

"No students or Muggles are to be involved under _any_ circumstances." She burst out after she finished reading the whole document for what felt like the hundredth time.

She glanced over at Dolores Umbridge who was leaning back in a chair to the right of Minerva's and smiling at the parchment from afar. Under any other ordinary circumstances, Minerva would never have let the vial, toad-like woman set even a toe into her office. However, the conditions of their meeting at this time were far from ordinary.

"Hmm alright, agreed. Though I was thinking it would give us more options if we not only included Hogwarts staff but members of the Ministry of Magic and residents at Hogesmeade, would it not?" Dolores widened her smile and made contact with Minerva's emerald eyes.

"Fine, as long as these Hogsmeade and Ministry wizards are of appropriate age." Minerva again stressed the importance of not involving any unsuspecting young magic folk.

"Agreed once again. However, I was also contemplating that we should allow both wizards _and_ witches. Or in other words, gender does not matter and both genders are acceptable choices."

Minerva raised an eyebrow suspiciously at Dolores who was now slightly blushing. She couldn't help but notice the other professor's cheeks now matched the sickening pink color of her robes. The transformations professor rolled her eyes but nodded in agreement and set to work on amending the document in front of her.

As she dipped her quill in ink and began writing, Minerva's thoughts floated back to the strange events that had occurred in the past few hours…

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"Hem-hem." An unfortunately familiar cough had alerted Minerva of the presence of Dolores Umbridge in her classroom.

"Dolores, I do _not_ have time for idle chatter at the moment. I'm in the middle of correcting essays." Minerva responded without looking up from the pile of papers on her desk.

"You never have time. You're _always_ working on some form of paperwork." Dolores pointed out.

Minerva continued to ignore her and only make eye contact with the essays. She heard the click of Dolores's heels as the woman took a few more steps into the classroom currently void of students. When she reached Minerva's desk, she stopped and stared down at the transformations professor for a few minutes in silence. Minerva frowned and angrily began gathering the pile of essays into her arms.

"To help relieve a little stress from that workload I was thinking it was time for you to get out and have a little fun. So I have come up with a little plan where we could both have some fun. I like to call it 'The Flirt War'." Dolores beamed at Minerva who finally met the other woman's eyes for a brief moment as she rose from her desk.

"No thanks. I'm straight and I don't have time for such nonsense." She made a bee line for the door.

"Oh no, not _that_ type of fun, Minerva. It involves other professors, bravery, and a competition to see who is the most charming." Dolores followed her out the door.

Minerva just rolled her eyes and continued walking quickly down the school halls. Dolores tried her best to keep up and babbled on.

"Unless, of course, you're _afraid_ to compete against me. I thought Gryffindors were supposed to be courageous? Hmm, perhaps the sorting hat came to the wrong decision after all and you should have been placed in Ravenclaw instead. If you are truly opposed to this fun game, then I guess in that case I already win and I am the most charming woman in the school."

Minerva clenched her fists, came to a complete stop, and turned to face Dolores. The lady in pink nearly barreled into the transformations professor when she stopped short so quickly.

"Fine. I am not a coward, Dolores; I will play your little game. I require first that we create a formal document and write down all of the rules of this "Flirt War". Meet me in my office at three o'clock this afternoon." She huffed and saw Dolores had put on a satisfied grin before they parted ways to separate destinations.

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Minerva sighed as she brought her mind back to the present moment and finished revising the parchment. She strongly regretted her decision to agree to the game, but at the same time she would show no sign of being a "scardey cat" in front of Dolores Umbridge. Besides, Minerva thought it would be amusing to anger Dolores if she won the "war" and became the supposed most charming woman in the school.

"The document should be complete now. I will read it aloud once more to double check that there are no mistakes." She put her quill down on the desk, picked up the paper, cleared her throat, and began reading:

_The Flirt War_

_I, Madam Professor Minerva McGonagall, and I, Madam Undersecretary Professor Dolores Jane Umbridge, here by decree the start of a competition for the purpose of determining who claims the title of most charming woman at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. _

_The contest, formally known as "The Flirt War", will last a total of seven days beginning on Monday, October the 25__th__ and ending on Sunday, October the 31__st__. Each of the seven days there will be three hour long "battles" in which the participants choose three wizards or witches (gender does not matter) as their targets. Thus, a total of 21 battles will be held by the end of the seven days. The object of the game is to achieve the most points by All Hallows Eve. _

_Scoring is as follows:_

_1 point for a hug, handshake, or other gesture of a similar nature_

_2 points for a kiss on the hand_

_3 points for a kiss on the cheek or forehead_

_4 points for a kiss directly on the lips_

_Scoring will be kept track of with an enchanted quill and piece of parchment. The participant who chooses the first magician will be decided with a coin toss. After this initial toss, the participants will alternate in choosing the target magician for the remaining battles._

_Additional rules and terms:_

_1. There is to be no use of love potions or other charms to magically manipulate the targets in question._

_2. Hogwarts staff, Hogsmeade residents, and members of the Ministry of Magic are all acceptable targets. However, no students, underage magicians, or Muggles are to be involved what so ever in this war._

_3. Any attempt at cheating, bewitching the quill to change one's score, or giving the targeted magician advanced notice about the competition will result in disqualification._

_Once the war has began, no participant is allowed to back out unless disqualification results._

Minerva continued to sign her name at the bottom of the page when she had finished reading and urged Dolores to do the same to officially seal the document.

"Now that everything has been decided, we must begin with a coin toss to determine who will choose the first target." Minerva said and pointed her want at the ink bottle she had been previously using to write the document. She muttered a spell and it transformed into a gold galleon.

"Head or tails, Dolores?"

"Heads."

"That leaves tails for me."

Minerva nodded and flipped the coin into air. It landed on her desk with a clank and she cursed as she noticed the coin had landed facing heads up.

"I assume that means I get to choose first." Dolores grinned.

"Yes, go ahead."

"Cornelius Fudge, we can meet him at The Three Broomsticks for breakfast before classes begin."

_Of course she'd choose him; no wonder she wanted to include the Ministry of Magic in this_, Minerva thought and let out a groan.

She still heavily regretted agreeing to this silly game, but there was still no way she'd let Dolores think she was a coward. Making advances on Fudge was going to be mentally excruciating, but not impossible.

"Fine. It appears we have another error, however. We have a total of twenty-one targets, which would mean one of us would have to choose eleven times. To make this more righteous, why don't we both agree on the twenty-first target now?" Minerva stated.

"Ah yes, you are correct. Is there anyone you had in mind?" Dolores inquired.

"How about Albus Dumbledore? Since we are beginning with the Minister of Magic, why not also end with a man of high position like the headmaster?" Now it was Minerva's turn to show off a small grin.

Albus Dumbledore was the man she had been loyal to all of her life. They were close friends and he had appointed her as his most trusted adviser. She could easily score many points with him and win the competition.

Dolores raised a skeptical eyebrow, but agreed. Whether it was because of the fact Dolores was satisfied with being able to start with Fudge, she was thinking she would be so far ahead of Minerva that she wouldn't need many points at the end, or she was just plain stupidly, Minerva wasn't sure. Perhaps it was a combination of all three.

Dolores continued to grin as she got up from her seat and made her way over to the door of Minerva's office.

"See you tomorrow then."

When the door closed and Dolores was gone, Minerva rolled her eyes and relaxed in her chair. Tomorrow was going to be a _very_ long day.

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**Next chapter will be out soon. Please review and let me know what you guys think! I am taking suggestions for who the remaining 19 target magicians should be as well as scenario suggestion. If you guys have anything specific you'd like to see happen please let me know, I will try my best to include it, and give you credit for your suggestions if I use them. :)**


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